to the boy who taught me how to be a mama...

you were still in pull-ups when we met.

a tiny tot of a boy who loved all things spider man and baseball.

and let us not forget strawberry milk and funyuns.  

i admit it wasn't easy.

i was a carefree twenty-five year old who had fallen in love with your daddy.

never in a million years did my picture of an ideal relationship involve a child.

yet, there you were.

and you managed to capture my heart right from the start.

but it was hard.

to find my place in this parenting world with you.

for you have a phenomenal mama.

and an amazing dad who loves you more than you will ever know.

you are doubly blessed.

because you have two sets of parents who love you and encourage you and support you.

in ways that you will never fully understand until you are grown.

but trust me when i say, i have loved you like my own.

i have tried my best to learn how to be a boy mom.

given our limited time, i have come to know a few things.

for instance, you were rough and tumble and wild and full-force.

from the moment you woke up until the minute your head hit the pillow.

if it involved a ball, you were eager to play.

and you played until you mastered whatever the sport.

but i still have a ton to learn.

and i am going to need you to teach me.

while you have been blessed with three sisters who think you hang the moon.

your baby brother will need someone to guide him and show him and teach him.

and i need you to show me all things boy.

please know that having another little boy in our house will never replace the fact that you were the first baby boy we loved.

in ways you will never understand, you created in me the deepest desire to be the best mama.

you will always be the first.  the oldest. 

the one who taught us how to be parents.

we will do things differently this go 'round.

but that is only because you have given us the grace to grow up in this parenting gig. 

and we love you more for it.

i am not sure i have the words to express how grateful i am for you.

for it was you, a tiny little two year old with a huge personality, that taught me how to grow up.

i love you, bubby,

now and always.