to our unborn son, with lavish love...

these words have tumbled about for months now.  

i have picked through them.  

trying my best to weave them together into a beautiful offering for you.  

somehow, i am sure they will never fully convey all that my heart feels.  

and yet, i extend them in my hand as a gift.  

as i feebly attempt to give these words a place to live, you are twisting and turning all about.  

evidence of the adventure that awaits us in just over two weeks.

i'm sure of it.

my dearest boy,

first, i need you know that you have been prayed for and over for longer than i can remember.   in the same way that your big sister was a longing fulfilled.  you are an answer to prayer.  after a long, dark season of uncertainty in our lives.  you are a gift of grace.  a living testament to the mighty work of restoration and redemption that God has done in our family.  one day, we will tell you all about it.

but trust me when i say, you are joining our family not a moment too soon.  

for God in His infinite wisdom knew exactly that you were the one to make our family complete.  and whole.

you join a big brother who has been surrounded by sisters for far too long.  he is an extraordinary athlete and looks forward to sharing all of his talent with you.  while he will only be around for a few more years before he heads off to college, i have no doubt that you will look up to him in ways he can't even imagine.  your big sister will more than likely cover you with more kisses than you care for in the first weeks and months of your life.  and then she will likely spend years bossing you around or pretending not to actually like you.  girls are funny that way.  but please know that she has been over the moon about your upcoming arrival.  perhaps you remember her tiny voice talking to you.  or covering my belly with kisses.   she adores you already.

you join a big family with crazy love.  from grandparents and great-aunts to aunts and uncles and cousins.  we spend a lot of time together.  after all, we all live within a 3-mile radius of one another.  consider yourself blessed.  because these are your people.  and they will support you and encourage you and gather around you through thick and thin.  

i feel it important for you to know that your name bears weight in the hearts of many.  you see, your papa has spent many years waiting for someone to carry on the family name.  he comes from a long line of women--sisters, daughters and nieces.  but no one to give his last name to.  until you.  so when he cries at the sight of you, just know they are tears of sheer joy.  for you were a long time coming to our family.  

speaking of your name.  it has a beautiful origin that brings tears to my eyes.  your first name means to be awake and watchful.  but also means flock or herd.  this is my prayer for you.  that you will know beyond all doubt who your Shepherd is.  for He is the one who knit you together and called you His.  that you will be awake and watchful for His calling over your life.   may you never fear, for He has gladly given you His kingdom.   

as your mama, there are so many things i want you to know.  and i will spend my lifetime trying to tell you all the things.  but for now, my heart begs that you know this one thing.  you are an answered prayer.  much like hannah from the Bible, i have spent the better part of five years pouring my heart out to God.  asking for another child to make our family complete.   there was a time when i was certain He didn't hear my prayer.  other times when i thought His answer was no.  through the health issues and personal struggles our family has faced in these past five years, there is but One who has remained faithful.  and He is the one who has carried us through the deepest valleys.  but you have come in His perfect timing.  not a moment has passed that i haven't prayed for you.  knowing that He has deemed you fearfully and wonderfully made.  the plans He has for you are far greater than your daddy and i could imagine.  far greater than you will ever understand.  

in the moment that we meet face to face, i will do the same thing i did with your sister.  i will give you back to the One who has entrusted me to mother you.  because you are His child before you were ever mine.  

i am enthralled with you, my precious boy.  

may you always know how much your mama has prayed for you and loved you from the start.  but more than that, may you come to know the unrelenting love of the One who formed you.  


we are beside ourselves with anticipation.  counting the days until we hold you in arms and shower you with our undying affection.  

when i lean over and whisper in your ear for the first time "amen", may you know that i am giving praise to the One who answers prayers and gives us the desires of our heart.

with lavish love,
your mama