the one where i was lost in the fog...

have you ever felt stuck in a dense fog?  a blanket so thick you could barely breath, much less see anything? 

have you ever missed the forest for the trees? 

i found myself in this very place last week.  i didn't know which way to look.  i felt stuck.  couldn't move forward.  certainly didn't want to step back.  i was lost.  i looked around and only knew one thing. 

i was lost. 

nothing looked familiar.  i couldn't make out objects.  things just didn't make sense.

on saturday morning, desperate and thirsty for a divine encounter, i humbly hit my knees before a little road trip.  i pleaded with the Lord to open my heart and eyes and ears.  to allow me to move out of my own way and hear what He was speaking to me through this situation of confusion. 

in that moment, i began to see the bread crumbs.  the trail leading me out of the dense fog. 

the first crumb led me to Psalm 46.

with a fresh cup of coffee and the soft morning light, i read these words.  devoured the manna straight from Heaven.

be still, he spoke to me.

 

cease striving, he said.

 

be quiet, he commanded.

 

step out of the traffic, he instructed.

 

stop fighting, he beckoned.

 

let go of your concerns, he invited.

 

let be and be still, he whispered.

over and over and over again, i heard these words in my soul. 

God knew I needed the drive to the funeral of my dear friend's grandmother to get away with Him.  no toddler demands.  no work schedule.  no house to clean. 

just me and him and the open road.  for a little over an hour.  each way. 

he knew i needed the respite. 

to be removed from the middle of the situation in order to see what was around me.

the second bread crumb he fed me came in the form of a text from a sweet, sweet friend.  a faithful prayer partner who loves the Lord. 

the text read,

did you know another word for fog is disambiguation?  and of course that is a form of the word ambiguate.  which as I'm sure you know {which i didn't!  i didn't even know the first big word in the text!} means doubtfulness or uncertainty.  so if the prefix -dis means away or depart, perhaps being in the fog will allow you to depart from doubtfulness or uncertainty you may be facing.  not sure if that makes any sense in your situation but i thought it was pretty fascinating!  praying for you today!

well, it was fascinating.  both that i had no clue what that word meant, nor how to pronounce it, but it was exactly what i needed as i set out on my drive saturday morning. 

and the fact that God knew i needed to depart from my familiar surroundings for a few hours in order to make sense of the doubts and uncertainities. 

the third bread crumb came just as the first.  the scripture reading at the funeral was from Psalm 46.  exactly where the Lord had guided me just a few hours prior.  my friend's Mema believed that in every situation, you simply had to be still and know. 

{oh how i pray when i get to glory, my family can say the same about me!}

i'm not sure a whole lot has changed in the situation since returning on saturday afternoon.  but i no longer feel lost.  i'm certain the fog will roll in again on a morning when i'm least expecting it.  i'm certain that i will find myself uncertain.  but, for now, i'm not frantically searching for a way through the fog.  instead, i'm enjoying being still.  and moving on His leading. 

today, for the first time in a little over a week, i saw the Light shining through the tops of the trees.  and then i saw it.  the forest.  not just the trees. 

and as the light broke through the green canopy of tree tops, i heard sweet, sweet words whispered in my ear...

I am not a God of confusion, but of peace.

in the quiet, stillness,  i found exactly what i've been searching for through this situation.

peace. 

in Him.  and through Him.